The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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