Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
