This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
