I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
