it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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