Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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