So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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