hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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