I feel great
I just peed on a car
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
