remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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