I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
