I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
