you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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