can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
