i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
two words...techno handjob
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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