Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
