I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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