I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
