The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
