He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
