Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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