i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
