Can Purell be used as lube?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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