There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
