He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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