I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
