Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
