what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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