i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I smell like Dick and happiness
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
