guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
