do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
