wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
