I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
