If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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