I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
