Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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