READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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