VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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