can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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