He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize