Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
