Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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