Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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