It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
