It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
