New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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