Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
