You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
