She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
