There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
