So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Too much gin, very little bucket
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
