he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
