Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize