i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
