Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
