thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
