the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
