The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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