Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
