Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Randomize
