I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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