Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
