Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
