I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
