This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
