Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i love accidental penises.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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