I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
