Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
