This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
