Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
